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By Heather Hiestand

 

This article is part of my Writing the Short Story workshop. Examples are all from my own published writing. Professional editing can really help an author see issues with their own writing that they can’t find on their own. These are important tips I’ve learned from editors of my short stories and novels.

You need a fabulous first line

o None of the passive, "it was" stuff. Use active, clear language. Examples below are from "The Burro" in Murder Across the Map.

§ First draft: Maria realized what she should have known when she got her pictures back from the One Hour Photo.

§ Final draft: Maria finally realized the truth when she picked up her photographs at the One Hour Photo.

o Make sure the first sentence relates to the plot or theme of the story. Examples below are from "Victoriana" in Holiday in the Heart.

§ First draft: "Hi Grandma!" Robyne Arthur waved as she entered her grandmother’s antique and costume shop.

§ Even the local dollar store looked inviting at Christmas.

o A first scene is a work in progress - expect it to change

§ Below is the first paragraph of Gunshot Grange (Cerridwen Press) before and after-expect to compress or delete the "business" of getting to one place or another. Expect the story starting place to change.

§ The grange was the key. That phrase was locked in Marci Sky’s mind as she struggled to keep her elderly Dodge Neon on the rain swept roads. She had heard it rained a lot in Washington State, but that the precipitation was more of a fine mist. This storm was pure Chicago-style downpour. And the roads weren’t draining properly. Her car nearly stopped as it hit another mini-pond on the road, jerking her in her seat.

§ The bride was a dead woman. If someone hadn’t done the dirty deed by the time Marci arrived, she’d take care of it herself. The house where the wedding was to take place had to be nearby. At least, that’s what she guessed, being unable to see the odometer on these dark country roads. The car swayed and her exhausted brain swam with it.

o Start story dynamically.

o Indicate level of sexual tension. The first example is from Aphrodite’s Necklace, the second is from Lucky Number Seven, both Ellora’s Cave.

§ "Go," the Goddess of Love commanded the fortuneteller.

§ "I’m going to fuck the first man I see." Vivian Lane stomped down the back steps of her parent’s church holding the last box of her wedding decorations.

o Don’t dump backstory. The Gunshot Grange example above was also a sample of dumping backstory. I was focused on Grandma’s past vs. the immediate business of getting Marci to the wedding and meeting the hero.

Make sure character names are clear

o How many people are you introducing? Too many? Make sure to introduce your bad guys along with other characters or they will stick out like a sore, obviously naughty thumb when you do. Especially in short fiction, make sure names don’t sound about the same, look about the same or start with the same or similar letters. Having Jeannie, Julie, Gerald and Jessie in one story is probably not a good idea.

How soon are your h/h meeting? In my first version of Gunshot Grange we meet the hero on page 7. In the final version, it is page 2.

Check for your "naughty" words. For me it’s And, But, Up. Make sure you limit starting sentences with AND and UP to one each per page.

Vary sentence construction

o Make sure sentences and paragraphs don’t start the same way

o Vary sentence length

o Never use "said" if you can have an action instead. Instead of "he said, putting down the phone" just have "He put down the phone."

Deep POV. Write in first person sometimes if you need to, just to see how it feels to really be in your character’s head.

Let setting be a character

o Do we need a clue before the story even starts? This is a shortcut that saves valuable short story word count. If something is important, but it on top!

§ Example is from One Juror Down (Cerridwen Press)

Prologue

Friday, late May

§ Example from Looking Forward, Looking Back (Lavender Isis)

§ Unedited start of prologue: In those polluted days, many of the children could no longer breathe. But for the rise in space travel, they would have been unable to function in society out of sheer disability. The ships were marvelously controlled and their air was sterile. Parents sent their children to the sky in large numbers.

 

Suggested reading:

Burroway, Janet: Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft

Goldberg, Natalie: Wild Mind

Goldberg, Natalie: Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within

Lukeman, Noah: The First Five Pages

 


 

 

 

Ten Hut!

SUBMISSION BOOT CAMP

By Eilis Flynn, Your Drill Sergeant

 

Okay, let’s start it simple. (I’m not a cruel drill sergeant. If you want cruelty, try my brother. But he teaches graduate students, so it’s his prerogative to be cruel.) How many of you have ever pitched a story? Out of those, how many got requests for partials or even fulls? If you haven’t pitched before, how many of you have a list of editors or agents you have to query or even submit to? (That sounds kinky, but rest assured, we’re talking WRITING here. Nothing kinky … unless you want it to be!)

Most important, how many of you are faced with the realization that you have to send these people something and you have NO IDEA whether you have what these editors and agents want, what they asked for, or whether you even sound COHERENT?

Okay, now ten-HUT! Pay attention! You, rookie, are going to put together a PROPOSAL. And it is going to be PERFECT. You hear me, rookie? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

So what’s in the perfect proposal, anyway? The elements of the perfect proposal package are simple yet effective:

 

-         Query or cover letter

-         Chapters (the first three, consecutive, not three random ones)(yes, that includes your prologue) requested

-         Synopsis

-         Bio sheet

-         SASE

 

And now, you’re going to put it all together, in just a few easy steps. YOU GOT THAT, ROOKIE? Good. I’m going hoarse typing in upper-case.

 

First step: Your chapters — what are you going to do to get them ready?

 

The first step is surprisingly and almost weirdly simple: You’re going to READ OVER YOUR CHAPTERS. And you’re not going to JUST read them. You’re going to read them aloud. You’re going to read them BACKWARD – you can find typoes you’ve overlooked. You’re going to read for specific things – specific words that you can most assuredly live without, like “very,” “just,” “a bit” – if it’s a qualifier, something that’s going to weaken your message, you’re going to delete it. You got that? MAKE SURE YOUR MESSAGE PACKS A PUNCH.

 

Not only that, next you’re going to check for format. Are you sending your proposal by mail or email? There’s probably a format specific to that method. Check it out, make sure it’s consistent. Make sure your paragraphs are paragraphs (check for style). Make sure the fonts are right -- remember, Courier 12-point is a fixed-type font, and that makes it attractive to editors (whose eyes are bleary and tired. Be kind to them, because their eyes are shot), but go for whatever they ask for. I’m used to Courier 12-point because I’m used to sending out proposals on paper, and that used to be the norm. But now, I’m sending out proposals in a different format, because the publisher I write for does everything by email. What else do you need to know or do for your proposal chapters? Are you going to include a map, a poem? Don’t forget those, either.

 

The second step: Your synopsis awaits you. Make it a pleasure to read

 

Next, read over your synopsis. The same way: read it aloud. Look for plot and logic holes that might pop out at you (sometimes those things aren’t necessarily apparent in the chapters you just read) .Next, have someone else read it over, and if he or she has questions, make sure you can answer them IN THE SYNOPSIS. Remember, if your reader had a question, the editor definitely will. Make sure you can’t be rejected that way! Read your synopsis for style. It’s a marketing tool. Do you want to buy a product if you can’t make heads or tails of it? Do you like reading it? Then proofread it cold for those last-minute typos you KNOW will pop up. BE WARY OF THOSE SNEAKY LAST-MINUTE TYPOES! THEY’RE OUT TO GET YOU!

 

Third step: Bio sheet. Be clear, be succinct, don’t brag, but don’t be modest, either

 

This is being requested more and more. It’s a marketing tool just like the synopsis, designed to give the recipient an idea of whether something in your background might make people willing to take a second look. What goes in one? I don’t know. What have you done in your life? Have you published short stories? Articles? Have you been honored that might intrigue the reader? Do you have any relevant experience? Have you given any workshops? Any relevant? What about contest wins? Modesty is all very well, but it’s not going to be any good for you. Stand up, be proud of your successes, make sure people know you matter.

 

Fourth step: SASE, in the event of …

 

Don’t forget that there’s a possibility of success as well as the possibility of failure … but in our business, the possibility of failure looms ever large. What should be done with the proposal if the editor or agent (who will, I assure you, regret having passed on your work someday) decides that your work isn’t what they’re looking for? Recycle the manuscript or send it back? If you want it back, make sure you include the self-addressed stamped envelope. Keep in mind, also, what the editor or agent may want. Would recycling be more convenient? Give instructions if you want it recycled, or make sure your SASE is mentioned in your cover letter.

 

Fifth step: And speaking of the cover or query letter …

 

The final step on this submissions bootcamp is to make sure that your query letter, or your cover letter if you’re sending in a partial, covers all the bases. What should a cover or query letter include? Did you meet and she request at a conference? If that’s the case, mention that. Mention the title, length, and genre so it’s clear from the beginning what’s being discussed (and no, it’s not a good thing not to mention these things, so it’s a “surprise.” Trust me, NOBODY wants a surprise when they’re working, and editors and agents are working professionals). Next, why should the editor or agent do more than glance at this proposal? MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT STANDS OUT (in a GOOD way). What’s the twist that makes it unique? Can you say what it is in two sentences? Make it high concept, make it sharp, make it pithy. If the editor’s overworked eye glazes over because it’s taking too long for you to get to the point, that’s a strike against you. MAKE SURE YOU DON’T GET ANY STRIKES AGAINST YOU AT ALL.

 

What else? Make the editor or agent CARE. Why are you writing this? Is there a new line opening, did you attend a workshop in which this agent or editor commented that she or he wanted something along the lines of what you’ve written? You have what they want, and you can give it to them. Why are you the person who can write this particular story? Give your background, give your writing credits. Tell them why you’re special

Finally, you can do this: You have the work they’re looking for. Now it’s just a matter of giving them the work. It’s a sad statistic that only 10% of all requests ever end up on the requesting editor’s desk. Make sure you’re in that 10%.

 

DISMISSED!

Copyright E.M.S. Flynn 2006

Eilis Flynn writes for Cerridwen Press.

 


 


 


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